This Month’s Book Recommendation by Paula McCormack, VP

DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS:  How To Discuss What Matters Most
by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen
Penguin Books; Illustrated edition (November 2, 2010) 352 pages

 In all of our personal and professional lives, “sticky” situations abound. By that, I mean any time two or more people have an overt or obscure conflict which should be addressed. We’ve all learned that the right way to handle these incidents is through good communication. We’ve been advised, rightly so, not to be too timid or aggressive, but to assert our position confidently and respectfully while listening to the other side’s.
Easy, right? It makes sense, and is based upon sound communication theory and psychology. Then why is it still so hard to approach some of these conversations, whether we’re mildly uncomfortable or really stressed out about it? Worse still, why don’t they run as smoothly as they’re supposed to?
The authors, all associated with the Harvard Negotiation Project, are experts in illuminating why we cringe, what’s really at stake, and most importantly providing a framework for creating conversations with a different angle. They call them “learning conversations”, as participants are encouraged to bring curiosity to the interaction, as opposed to our typical defensive stance. Of course, this is greatly simplified, but it is essentially the difference between our usual approach (beginning with one side’s complaint about the other) and this structure. The emphasis is not so much on what we do, as what we THINK.. As the authors state, “Regardless of context, the things that make difficult conversations difficult and the errors in thinking and acting that compound those difficulties, are the same. We all share the same fears and fall into the same few traps.” From this comes a rich array of detailed methods that can be put to use in any number of circumstances. The key, to me, is putting judgments and pre-conceptions aside (with the emotions that come from them), and really being interested in understanding what the other person is thinking, feeling and intending. That’s where the element of curiosity comes in, as opposed to holding self-righteous assumptions.
Some problems don’t resolve well, for many reasons that impede healthy interactions among people. But the work that is represented in this highly practical little book gives us a better chance to be successful in resolving disputes or bringing up difficult topics for discussion. It’s an excellent reference to be used as often as needed, and reviewed just as frequently to keep up the skills.
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This Month’s Book Reviews by Marcia Bookstein

War Is A Force That Gives Us Meaning
by Chris Hedges
Anchor; Reprint edition (June 10, 2003) 224 Pages
 The end of the Afghanistan war made me think of Chris Hedges’ book, War Is a Force That Gives Us Meaning.  In the Wikipedia article about him it says that the New York Times fired him. Not exactly true.  He worked for the New York Times as a war correspondent in much of the world, including countries in South America as well as Eastern Europe. He wasn’t exactly towing the line that the Times wanted him to, so understanding the undercurrent of discontent that the publisher had, quit before he was fired.  (This has happened to others, including Sy Hersh who uncovered the My Lai massacre.) What’s memorable about this book is the detail he gives. He looks under the blankets covering the dead and wounded, searches for files and photographs in bombed out government buildings, is right there where the bullets are flying, writing what he sees and not mincing words. Don’t eat while you’re reading this book.  

Whenever I start a book I look at a random page or two in the middle first to see what the writing style is like. I’m a slow reader, and it’s not worth my time unless the writing is impeccable. Hedges’ writing is gorgeous. Not as blissful as Noam Chomsky’s, but up there in the “excellent” atmosphere. He takes you right there in the country before the conflagration, during, where you meet people and stay with them while they mourn their killed loved ones, and after, with the country changed and divided. He explains the reasons for this particular war in Serbia and Croatia, and the permanent animosities that arise because of mass manipulation and corrupt government. A lesson for the aware.
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My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies
by Resmaa Menakem
Central Recovery Press; Illustrated edition (September 19, 2017) 300 Pages
I’m also reading My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem.  It’s a beautifully, compassionately written book, and I’m reading it with my daughter, Emily. We have book club every other week and discuss two chapters together.  She is the quintessential anti-racist, and was there in Portland protesting with Black Lives Matter, getting tear-gassed, dancing with a group to the tune of bicycle spokes being plucked, and witnessing and experiencing the kindness of strangers, the brutality of the police. Menakem is an acolyte of Bessel Van Der Kolk, an eminent psychiatrist who studied PTSD for over forty years. (“The Body Keeps the Score” is his book, which I’ve also read and highly recommend.)  Our bodies are key to how we can face and dissolve the trauma from racism.  And we all have it, even when it goes back five hundred years in our land of origin.  We’ve all been chased out of somewhere by a warring group of people, whether the Huns, the Germans, the Vikings, the  Spaniards, the early Hebrews, the Romans.  It goes on and on, doesn’t it?  And we’ve all been part of the aggressors.  Is this part of the human condition?  (This is something that Hedges’ addresses at some length.) But it’s not a great way to live and thrive, and Menakem is here to tell us how to heal, and to help put us in the other person’s shoes.  He has chapters for Black people, white people, and blue people (the police).  It’s an amazing experience to  put yourself in someone else’ shoes, not just mentally and psychologically, but physically as well–in our imaginations.  Which is where we learn most things–in our minds. 
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Who Rules the World? (American Empire Project)
by Noam Chomsky
Picador; Reprint edition (May 2, 2017) 336 Pages
The other book I’m reading concurrently is Who Rules the World, by Noam Chomsky. If you love ice cream, his writing is like the most refreshing and delicious ice cream–your favorite flavor.  If you’re not keen on ice cream then it’s creme brulee. Just incredible writing, with added fun snark and a soupcon of sarcasm here and there. In 1947 the US was in a position to take over the path that the world would take in the future, and grabbed that possibility. There’s a reason we have over 800 bases all over the world, and our military is the most aggressive and developed, let alone the private military in the form of Eric Prince’s company. (Is it still called Xi? Used to be Blackwater.) He has chapters on Israel and what happened during negotiations with the PLO, all the details that went into what’s happening there now, Cuba and the missile crisis during Kennedy’s administration and how close we came to destroying ourselves, our animosity towards the Russians, difficulties we have with Asia, North Korea, China, and the origins of those difficulties.  It turns out that we are responsible for much of the upheaval in the world.  (A good movie is Coup53, about Kermit Roosevelt and the overthrowing of the democratically elected Mosadegh.) Our dealings with Iran are also included.  It’s important to know the truth, to know the different sides of our history, and not just what the white supremacists want included in our history books. America might be great, but you might need to define “great”.  We are a powerful nation, but the bodies of innocent people murdered because of our deeds are numerous.  Yes, 9/11 just passed, but the 9/11 of 1973 (our involvement in overthrowing Allende in Chile) is addressed in this book, as well as the facts of our own 9/11.  And then the subsequent wars with Iraq and Afghanistan, including the prison in Guantanamo. The book is grave, saddening, enlightening, and deliciously written, which makes it palatable.  Highly recommended.
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This Month’s Book Recommendation by Paula McCormack, VP

The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion
by Jonathan Haidt
‎ Vintage; Illustrated edition (February 12, 2013) 528 Pages
 “Politics and religion are both expressions of our underlying moral psychology, and an understanding of that psychology can help to bring people together.” (Haidt) Jonathan Haidt is a social scientist who researches moral psychology, and this book, his latest, invites serious study and discussion (remember highlighting, note-taking, thinking deeply and reviewing it all? Get ready!)
However daunting that may sound, Haidt’s writing style is engaging, accessible and endlessly fascinating. He provides summaries after each chapter, recognizing the depth and complexity of what he’s covered. For instance, have you ever tried to analyze an ethical dilemma rationally, and found that you still have a “gut” sense of something being wrong or immoral, despite reason to the contrary? Have you been flummoxed by how liberals and conservatives can view the same event so differently? What framework informs our moral judgments? How does our righteousness create blindspots that we can’t imagine having? And, in a broader sense, what factors constitute the “glue” that allows some societies/groups to flourish, while others fail?
Whoa. This book is well worth reading (and studying!) for anyone who is “ready to trade in anger for understanding” (cover blurb). Jonathan Haidt clearly adds to our understanding of the predicament of polarity in which we find ourselves these days.
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This Month’s Book Recommendation by Paula McCormack, VP

After The Fall
by Ben Rhodes
Random House (June 1, 2021)384 Pages
 Dear fellow members,
I absolutely LOVED this book! For those of us who have been struggling to comprehend what is happening in America, Ben Rhodes offers a deeply personal, insightful analysis of the forces  which have impacted the political world since the end of the Cold War. He masterfully blends a cogent, academic review of these trends with the personal narratives of individuals who are grappling with the increase in authoritarianism in their countries. It is these stories, coupled with the author’s own, which makes this a fascinating look at this human journey, of which we are all a part. I found myself identifying with people across the globe, with different histories, different cultures, yet bonded by a passionate need for free, fair self-governance. He confronts America’s recent history squarely in the face, revealing how we’ve impacted the world.(and our own nation)..and it’s not always pretty. Rhodes remains optimistic through it all, as you can see in this quote from the book:
“To be born American in the late twentieth century was to take the fact of a particular kind of American exceptionalism as granted. In the span of just thirty years, this assumption would come crashing down. America is no longer a hegemon. THERE IS OPPORTUNITY IN THAT.(caps mine) To claim the mentality of the nation of outsiders, comprising every strand of humanity. To make capitalism about something more than money, to make national security about something other than subjugation, to make technology work better as a tool for human enlightenment. To learn from others around the world instead of thinking that it is always we who have something to teach them. After the fall, we must determine what it means to be American again.”
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